My Gratitude List 06/09/12

My gratitude list this week may seem a little strange.  Please bear with me.  I have been thinking hard on why I chose the life I did; diabetes, emotional paralysis and mental faculty — a very weird combination.  I don’t know the why, and probably I won’t let that hold me up.  I know one thing:  I cannot imagine having reached this satisfied state, if I hadn’t had all of that earlier stuff to compare it with.

I am not saying that my life couldn’t have ended up happy, if I’d had a different path.  I have no way of knowing that, and at this point in my life, I’m finally fed up with thinking what my life could have been.  I am grateful for what my life has been; not so much for the difficulties themselves, but for the contrast.  I could not be this happy, had I not been that sad.

I told you I’d be writing strangely this week.   All of the terrible sadness, the family drama and failed marriages, the low self-esteem, the self-loathing, the absence of self-respect and self-love, the health emergencies I brought upon myself, and the list could go on forever.  But it doesn’t, because I have come to an understanding with myself.  I am happy, and confident, and unafraid.  I am unwilling to move into that life again.  And I am grateful.

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2 responses to “My Gratitude List 06/09/12

  1. Well done you. Our past is what makes our future. And you have chosen to make yourself a better future based on what your past life was all about. I, for one am glad, as I have gotten to know a wonderful lady I am happy to call a friend :)

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